Published by Maria Desantis on April 16, 2017

Can Separation Save Marriage?

It seems like the beginning of the end: a separation. Splitting-up is usually followed by divorce. Legally, couples are expected to separate for one full year before they can divorce. Some therapists and married couples argue, however, that separation can get in the way of a permanent breakup, becoming the catalyst for marital renewal.

Can Separation Save Marriage?

First of all, a separation of this kind has to be handled calmly. Think through the issue, rather than blurting out demands. Consider each others feelings and the practical side of separation. If one spouse is going to leave, this means furnishing some way to make this happen. There will be extra expenses for a husband and wife to manage. The burden will be enormous, but a trial separation could be considered an investment and far less costly than divorce.

When Should a Couple Separate?

Experts appear to agree that this is not the first step to take when trouble arises. Ideally, a couple would talk out issues such as poor communication, lack of romance, one persons anger issues, or infidelity. Regular, proactive visits to a couples counselor form the foundation for consistent improvement and growth. Counselors will ask outright if you want to save the marriage. Are you committed to making this work? If not, you are wasting their time and yours because counseling is probably not going to have an impact.

You have to want to stay together to take any action that is not destined for a court of law.

How to Separate Effectively

There is a good way and a bad way to separate if you are going to approach the topic at all. For one thing, you have to plan how long to be apart. There will be ground rules: no sleeping with each other and then going back to ones own bed. If children are still at home, efforts must be made to reduce the strain on them such as maintaining routines when possible. Kids will appreciate a break from bickering.

Ultimatums might be stated. The pair will reconcile after a certain number of months under conditions such as agreeing to see a therapist, attending addiction counseling, or leaving the workplace where an affair took place. These are just examples. Many marriages end because of irreconcilable differences, not affairs or addiction. A couple drifts apart or clashes constantly.

Will It Work?

Can separation save a marriage, truly? Maybe: studies have yet to determine the odds. Many couples have said it made a difference to go through with the physical break rather than just making empty threats. It was also good to gain distance from the relationship so as to see individual issues clearly and reasonably.

Separation only works like this if the two parties do not use break time as an excuse to engage in casual liaisons or, worse, romantic involvements that lead to long-term relationships. It must also be clear that, though they are physically apart, this is not like divorce, because of a bitter dispute, parental rights have to be worked out with the assistance of family lawyers.

Published by Maria Desantis on April 16, 2017

An Overview of Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is another name for marriage counseling, but it is not exclusively for married couples. Many clients have lived together for a long time and are considered common-law partners. Moreover, some elements of counseling might involve the children, while others give time to each spouse individually. Every relationship in a couples life will benefit from their visit to therapists.

The Goal of Relationship Counseling

Overall, the goal of relationship counseling is to strengthen a couple or keep them together when they are in danger of breaking up. There are two conditions, however: one is that the relationship is not dangerous; the other is that both parties want to stay together. If abuse has reached a point where a childs well-being is in danger, social workers will step in to remove kids from the danger.

Relationship Counseling Approaches

Issues that tear relationships apart are often quite big; parenting, religion, addiction, infidelity, mental health problems, and more. These can seem too large to surmount, and there is a lot of judgment being doled out from both sides. Each party feels he or she is right, but they have reached an impasse. Either they have to find a way around it or their relationship is going to end.

Often it is simply helpful to gain the perspective of an impartial party. She can see more clearly the stubbornness or unnecessary drama wrapped up in an issue that could so easily be solved by stepping back.

Before a relationship between individuals can begin to be understood, it is important to recognize and acknowledge that each person, including the counselor, has a unique personality, perception, set of values and history.

Some problems must be dealt with prior to counseling, such as a trip to rehab for a drug, eating, or gambling problem. Certain issues can be addressed in counseling right away such as how to parent effectively and as a team.

Clients usually picture themselves on a couch seated opposite a therapist discussing problems, but this is not always the case. At marriage retreats and boot camps, couples engage in physical activities that resemble summer camp programs or team building events. Spouses form a team, must learn to depend on one another without being too needy, solve problems, and identify challenges. They learn to respect one anothers strengths and support each other through weak areas.

At least, this is the ideal outcome. Sometimes it helps to join group therapy either in gender specific groups or with other couples. By looking at other peoples lives, one often feels he or she is looking into a mirror, finally recognizing personal challenges that are standing in the way of a healthy marriage.

Marriage retreats, where relationship counsellors provide onsite therapy, often yield success for couples facing challenges. It is best to enrol before you are thinking of separation or divorce. Gaining distance from regular life provides a pair time to focus on the thing that matters most: the health of their relationship.

The Solution

Relationship counseling is not the solution to an unhappy partnership or a dysfunctional family. It is the start of a journey, often a reference point that couples may return to as way of getting their bearings every so often until they can continue independently. To be successful, couples must learn to function together, without professional help in the long run.

Published by Maria Desantis on April 16, 2017

Win Back Your Love

You may think when a relationship has ended that it’s gone permanently. However, before you start to totally despair, there’s hope that you can get your ex back. Once that happens, your relationship may be stronger than ever. That doesn’t mean that the process will be a simple one, but it CAN be done if the conditions are right.

Now, if you’re actually still in communication with each other, there are 3 things to focus on if there’s still some conflict between you. These are:

1. Focus on emotions rather that the actions that were committed. Try to fix the hurt feelings. Accusations, or even bringing up a past hurtful action, is not the way to go. If you want your ex back, avoid mentioning anyone’s action that caused hurt feelings, even if it’s justified. Stay focused on the things that make your ex feel GOOD about you.

These are the feelings that will ultimately reunite the 2 of you. Remember to acknowledge emotions and not negative behavior. If your ex keeps bringing up those negative actions, attempt to compromise somehow. This may work better if you’re in the right place.

2. Change your environment. You’ve got a better chance of working things out with your ex if you’re in a location where the conflict and arguments never happened between the 2 of you. Therefore, meet your ex at a happy location. This can be somewhere like a favorite park or restaurant. Basically, it can be any place that might bring back happy memories that you shared together. It will keep you BOTH in the right frame of mind to help bond and reconcile.

At times, all the bad things that caused the breakup will keep resurfacing in spite of all the focus on promoting feelings of happiness. That’s why you must focus on positive emotions within a happy location. This offers a good start and will hold back any negative behavior or feelings that you need to avoid.

3. Something important to remember is this: Most of the conflict that happens in relationships are due to things of no real consequence. These come from making mountains out of molehills and then getting out of control. Maybe your ex is feeling unappreciated by you, or maybe there are feelings of being taken for granted. You need to get that opinion changed immediately.

The reasons for the past arguing need to be kept in perspective. Try to be creative in trying to downplay what they really meant. Lighten the mood by using your sense of humor. When moving forward, you’ll need to deal with these issues by not repeating the cause of the problems. Instead, just focus on your ex’s feelings for you when trying to reconcile. Be a good listener and offer help to your ex with his or her needs, dreams or desires.

It may seem difficult to follow these steps but if you’re serious about getting your ex back, these are the best things to do to make it happen.  If getting your ex back is of the utmost importance to you, then you would be well advised to consider using a coaching program to get the best possible chance of winning back your ex.

Published by Maria Desantis on April 16, 2017

When the Differences are Too Many for a Successful Relationship

Commonality is something that all relationships need a bit of in order to work out and be long term. This is always a better thing when each of you likes a lot of the same things. That list would include things like the same types of music, movies, the same activities, and agreeing on religion.

Lots of couples tend to have little in common on the surface, yet they get along famously and maintain great relationships. Most likely, these couples have learned how to balance the differences in their personalities and have actively searched for common interests to home in on so that they will have some things that they can do together. It can be done in many cases, but for others, the differences can be just too much for sustain a relationship.

In the very beginning, when you’ve just met someone and are getting to know them, it’s time to find out what this person’s interests are. This is when you need to ask questions that are pertinent to you and your lifestyle. The answers that you get will give you the springboard you need to decide if this is a potential relationship that you want to pursue.

There are many things that you can get past when it comes to having differences in likes and dislikes. However, there are other things that need to be looked at closely before moving ahead. For example, if one of you is a devout fundamentalist Christian and you’re a practicing Pagan, chances are you wouldn’t ever meet up in the same places anyway. On the other hand, if you’re a Catholic and he’s of the Jewish faith, many couples have made this particular situation work. It only becomes a bit complicated if the couple decides to have children but the solution reached is usually a fair one for everyone.

Differences in such things as music and movies don’t have to be a deal breaker, either. This is where compromise comes into play. You agree to go to a wrestling match if your partner will attend the ballet or opera with you. In time, such things may actually grow on you a bit.

The point is that couples can still be individuals even when they are in a relationship with each other. It can even become more interesting when there are plenty of differences. It helps each partner be more involved in learning new things.

For example, if one of you is really into camping and the other one’s idea of camping is a night spent at the Motel 6, if you start out easy, you may find that camping can bring you lots of pleasure. Of course, then your partner must agree to that night or weekend in a high end hotel or a romantic bed and breakfast of your choosing.

It’s really all about compromising. However, if you love curling up by the fire on a rainy day with a good bestseller and your partner’s idea of reading is guffawing through a comic book, you may want to look closely at what life will be like with this person.

Published by Maria Desantis on April 16, 2017

Four Tips To Spice Up Your Relationship

Long-term relationships can lose their spice quickly, but there are some simple tips you can follow for spicing up a relationship. These tips ensure you keep your partner guessing and keep yourself from falling into a boring routine.

Be Spontaneous

Falling into a routine can be comfortable, but it also is a fast path to a stale relationship. You dont have to be spontaneous every day, but making some changes every now and then is a great way to keep your partner on their toes and add some spice to your relationship. Some common ways to add spontaneity include:

  • Cancel all your plans and just get away for a weekend trip.
  • Show up at your partners work for a surprise lunch.
  • Send flowers or gifts for no reason.
  • Instead of going to the usual restaurant and getting your usual meal, try someplace new, maybe even someplace completely out of your comfort zone.

It doesnt have to be something big to change your routine, but the change it makes can be huge. Even something as small as writing a cute note to your loved one or deciding to go out to see a movie instead of watching a movie at home is enough to shake up your routine and make it more interesting.

Go on a Date

When you first start seeing someone, dates are common, but once you have been together a long time or have gotten married, dates are often forgotten. However, even if you have kids, going on a date should still be part of your relationship with your partner. Set up a day one night a week for a date without the kids, and go out and spend quality time with each other. This is a great way to spice up your relationship because it makes you feel like youre trying to woo each other again, which is one of the most exciting things about dating. Dont just go out and ignore each other, go out and talk to each other. Pretend youre dating again, and youll be surprised how much excitement it will add.

Change Your Bedroom Routine

If youve been dating for a while, your bedroom routine has probably grown a bit stale too. Spicing this up can be huge in making your relationship more exciting and feeling fresh again. Tips for adding some spice to the bedroom include:

  • Taking it as slow as the first time you were together, so you take time to examine each others bodies again. Also, dont be afraid of keeping the light on sometimes.
  • Instead of going into the bedroom, be spontaneous and try it in other rooms of your home.
  • Try some unexpected dirty talk, like a sexy text message of what you want when your partner gets home.
  • Get away from your usual positions and try some new ones.

Learn Something New

Even if youve been with your partner for years, theres still something you dont know or have forgotten about them. Dont assume you know everything about your partner or that they know everything about you, and dont label them. Instead, know there is more to discover about them and try to find it. Ask questions and share with your partner to get to know something new about each other.


Spicing up a relationship isnt hard, but it does take time and effort. These tips ensure you and your partner stay fresh and keep trying to woo each other. Dont fall into the comfortable trap of a stale routine. Keep your partner on their toes with some good spontaneity.

Published by Maria Desantis on January 24, 2017

3 ways dating has changed over the years

Dating has indeed changed over the years. The way young generation date today is not same as people used to date a few decades back. Now everything is technology-based. Here are three major ways dating is different now than before.

1. They are doing multiple things at one time

People are distracted due to technology. They are doing two things at one time. For example, they are talking to someone at a restaurant, at the same time they are checking out their Facebook page. People are walking and looking at the phone. They are not focused on the relationship. In the past, there was not much use of technology. So, when people went on a date, they went without any gadget that could distract them.

2. More information available

In the past, people took the time to understand a person. They had meals together and went out few times before they finally decided to start a relationship. Now, the social sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have made it very easy for everyone to access lots of information. You can get much information about a person simply by viewing his or her social site profile. People now know each other by their digital presentations like tweets, messages, profile pictures, etc.

3. More options present

There are many options available to you now. Dating is now an open field. There is no geographical or cultural boundary. You can date with a person living in another country or come from a different culture. When they find difficulty in a relationship, they move on and look for someone new as there are loads of options available. This wasn’t the case in the past.

People should be aware of these changes. These changes have made relationships riskier. It is not safe to meet a stranger and get intimate so soon. You should take the time to understand a person before starting a relationship.

Published by Maria Desantis on January 24, 2017

5 reasons why women date older men

You will find many women who prefer dating older men. There are many reasons why older men are a better choice than guys of the same age or younger. Here are some of the reasons.


Men get better as they get older. They learn from their experiences in life, work, and previous relationships. They become more matured, understanding and patient. They become well-mannered.

Practical reasons

Women date older men due to financial security. This is a very important aspect of every relationship. Women look for men who have the financial capacity to support them financially. For example, if they want to start a family, then financial security is important.

Better at pleasing women

Though women have different sexual preferences, many women think that older men are better at pleasing and handling women. They gain experiences from their previous relationships and become better at it.

They are serious about relationships

Older men look for serious relationships. They don’t want to waste time playing around. They want to start a family and get settled. So, women who are looking for long-term relationships look for older men.

They live a healthy lifestyle

Older men love drinking and smoking, but they know their limits. They are health conscious. They would work out to stay fit and lead a very healthy lifestyle. This is attractive to many women.

These are some reasons why women like dating older men. They get good things like financial security, commitment, etc. from older men that they don’t find in younger men or those of same age.

Published by Maria Desantis on January 24, 2017

5 tips for a safe online dating experience

Many dating sites today let people sign up without checking their profiles or email IDs. You should always be cautious about the people you meet online. Here are some tips for staying safe while dating online.

Disclose minimum personal information

You shouldn’t give out much of your personal information when you date a stranger online. You shouldn’t give away your address or phone number right away.

Look for red flags

Many people take the time to know the person before starting the romantic relationship. But some people jump into relationships too quickly. You should look out of red flags, like people saying that he or she loves you just after a few days of chatting. You should be careful about people who are too keen to be close to you too soon.

Be cautious about advance fee fraud

You shouldn’t take anyone you meet by the face value. If someone asks you for money, then don’t give them. Scammers always look for opportunities to take advantage of you.

Block abusers

Everyone is not a good person. If you receive abusive messages, then you should block that person. You shouldn’t allow anyone to abuse you.

Meet in a safe place

If you are meeting your date for the first time, it’s better to meet at a public place. You should choose a place where there are plenty of people around. When you take alcohol, be careful about your limits. You shouldn’t cross the limit so that you get drunk and out of self-control. You should notify a friend or family member about where you are going.

You should be very careful when dating online. There are people out there with ill intentions, and such incidents have been reported. So, you should take precautions before you meet someone or get close to someone you met online.